Thursday, July 28, 2011

My New Ladder Death Policy Center

Dear esteemed representative:

Please support my new ladder death policy center.  

As you may know, ladder falls are 2nd only to automobile accidents in American deaths, so as a responsible, proactive citizen I implore you to pass legislation that will ensure the safety of Americans.   Ladders are also used to assist criminals to gain entry into homes that have otherwise good security.   Ladders are responsible for more than 50,000 deaths per year so why aren't we controlling ladder usage?   What I will suggest is legislation that has been very successful with curbing gun violence.

Here is a list of a few common sense strategies that will help to ensure public safety:

We at the Ladder Death Policy Center suggest the outright banning of ladders due to their dangerous nature.   Only police and firefighters should be allowed to use a ladder.   While the police have no duty to protect you, and even less of a duty to serve you, if you want to get on your roof, we suggest laws that will require citizens to call the police in order to furnish them with a supervised ladder as time permits.  Anyone carrying a ladder outside these rules is obviously a criminal, and should be guilty of a felony.

A LOID; also known as a Ladder Owner's ID card.   This is the next best thing to a ban is to ID all the Ladder owners.  Under this law, people who wish to own a ladder would have to submit a form to the state police in order to purchase a ladder.   The police would conduct a background check to make sure there are no mental or physical ailments that would endanger the user from using the ladder.
A ladder permit:  If an outright ban or LOID is not possible, we feel  potential users of a ladder should have to go to their sheriff's office, and obtain a ladder purchase permit.   This will allow the sheriff to do a background check on the individual looking for mental or physical issues that would interfere with proper ladder usage.

Ladder transportation:  Our recommendation is that ladder owners must take a class, and get a OCL, or Open Carry Ladder permit, before being allowed to freely transport their ladder in the open, visible to children.  

Tough Love:   Having a ladder lying around inappropriately is a danger to children.   It should be a felony to transport a ladder if it's not locked in a case.   Stores should sell ladder locks with all ladders making sure children will not accidentally open ladders which would surely lead to more child deaths.

Negligent storage:  If a criminal breaks into someone's garage or home and steals a ladder which was not in a safe, and that later ends up at a crime scene, the person the ladder was stolen from should be guilty of negligent use of a ladder and charged with a criminal offense.

Ladder Locks:  Hardware stores must sell Ladder locks with every ladder, designed to keep them in the closed, or 'safe' position. 

Ladder Registration; If no other compromise can be made, the only way to know a ladder might be used, is to know where it is.

Any Ladders found at the scene of any crime will become property of the police, subject to destruction, or used for police purposes.  

These are the recommendations of the Ladder Death Policy Center, thank you for caring about this important issue, leave all your liberties at the door.

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